How to Remove Stains From Anything!

I don't believe in "treating" stains. Ever. No exceptions. I know, it's harsh.

"But Heather," you say, "All you have to do is use a dab of 'Granny's Magical Elixir' As Seen On TV, and it'll take out everything from grape juice to crayons!"

Ah-ha. I don't drink grape juice or eat crayons.

But even if I did, I'm not going to slave over a shirt to get out a stain. Here's why:

1. Clothes are cheap. If the stain doesn't come out it the wash, I'll just buy Child #2 another used polo shirt at the local Ye Olde Thrifty Shoppe. If it's stained beyond recognition, into the ye olde trashe it goes.

2. Most stains come out in the wash without Granny's Magical Elixir. It's true. Even if it doesn't come out in the first wash, it lightens with subsequent washes.

3. The shirt will get stained again. So don't even bother. And by the way, where do these children come from who have never soiled an article of clothing? I know they're out there because they donate all their old stain-free clothes to Ye Olde Thrifty Shoppe where I buy them for my kids. Thank you!

4. You have more important things to do. I watched my sweet Nana iron underwear because "the iron's still hot--might as well!" Look at your priorities and look at what you're doing. Are your actions consistent with your priorities? (Can you tell that I don't iron either?)

5. Stained clothing activates the "retract claws" feature on Supermoms. If a Supermom sees my kids wearing a shirt with a salsa splotch, she's much more likely to leave me alone rather that spark a lively (yawn) debate on which salon does the best job on toddler manicures.

In closing, I leave you with on old Irish blessing: May your shirt be clean enough to work in, but dirty enough to live in.

Amen.

It's a Laura Petrie Day

Today I put my hair in hot rollers, let 'em cook, and styled my hair into a perfect copy of Laura Petrie's classic flip. Wow.

For those of you who are old enough to remember the Nick-at-Night Dick van Dyke Show re-runs, Laura Petrie is the talented, funny, confident, size zero-and-a-half wife of comedy writer Rob Petrie. Laura Petrie outclassed contemporaries such as Donna Reed, June Cleaver, and your mom with the power of her 'do.

Yes, the secret to her success--and quite possibly ours as well--is in the hairdo. Bouncy and sassy. In place, but not stiff. This 'do can transform your average domesticus vulgaris into a domesticus fantastica.

So, ladies, no matter what day of the week it is, get out the hot rollers and let 'em cook. While we may not be a size zero-and-a-half wife of comedy writer, we can still go forth with confidence, beauty and humor.

It's going to be a great day.

Writing a Book

I met with an LDS publisher this weekend at a writing conference. He's interested in my work and wants me to have a manuscript ready by the end of July 2008. Those are all the details I have...

I'll keep you posted.

Secret Ingredient in Homemade Ravioli

When meal preparation requires more than a sharp can opener or awesome paper-ripping skills, then I always add my favorite secret ingredient. Love. Yeah, I know, it's odorless, tasteless and makes some teenagers sick, but trust me on this.

Love. The world's perfect secret ingredient. I add it to most of our family meals. And tonight I added lots of it. I made ravioli. From scratch.

I know about half of you are like, "Oh my heck, I could totally never do that!" And the other half of you are like, "Get me started, girlfriend!"

1. Buy a ravioli press that makes large ravioli (2" across or larger). If you buy a ravioli press that makes tiny ravioli you'll be scooping itsy-bitsy fillings with a Sea Monkey food scoop. I bought a 10 square ravioli press from www.surlatable.com. (For those of you who haven't been there, it's like heaven, but much more expensive...) This large press makes manly-man ravioli.

2. Buy a pasta machine. Don't let the word "machine" fool you. It's hand crank and makes a perfect sheet of pasta to lay on top of the ravioli press. I bought mine at a garage sale when I lived in Seattle. Don't fly to Seattle looking for garage sales. Scour your thrift stores or borrow one from your mom (assuming she's a classy lassie).

3. Make the filling. I mixed ricotta (splurge), an egg, a couple cloves of fresh minced garlic (if you use bottled garlic, the garlic fairy won't come!), a shakey-shake of dried basil, sauteed spinach and a grind of pepper. Oh, and a generous grating of asiago (which spell-check does not recognize).

4. Roll out pasta sheets. Your pasta can be made of white or whole wheat. Roll out the sheets to the next to thinnest setting. Lay the first pasta sheet on top of the ravioli press, fill it up with a tsp. of filling, brush water around edges of ravioli and lay top pasta sheet over the bottom filled pasta sheet. Roll a rolling pin over the press to seal and cut your little pasta pillows.

5. Pop those babies out. Either boil immediately or freeze on a cookie sheet then store in a freezer zippie bag.

6. Improve your method. This is my way of saying, "I left a bunch of really helpful instructions out, so try it on your own, and you'll learn the hard way to dust the pasta sheets with flour so they won't stick to the press."

So...where's the love? Well, you can add it to the filling. Or to the pasta dough. Or the boiling water. Or to the melted butter you drizzle over the top of the ravioli.

It makes all the difference.

Get Rich Quick Homemaker Schemes

I don't know many homemakers who have heaps of extra time to "stuff envelopes and make $$$" or "get paid for shopping!" There are offers all over the World Wide Web that are targeted toward the domesticus vulgaris. Pity de po' foo' who falls for those get-rich-quick schemes.

Honestly, I barely have time to shower and smear on some concealer and lip balm, let alone spend hours stuffing envelopes.

But what bothers me is the fact that smarmy, creepy business folk out there seem to think that homemakers are dripping with free time and are desperate for an extra $16.50 every month.

Homemakers' time is valuable. As our financial adviser, Dave Ramsey, likes to say, "We don't do get-rich-quick. We do get-rich-slow. And it's not a scheme." Part of your job as a home economist is to manage the money flow. And as you manage it wisely, you will see the value of being a homemaker.

Sad, Sad Story With a Happy, Happy Ending

Once upon a time, about a year ago, I bought a steam cleaner at a local grocery/clothing/jewelry/electronics store. It was fine. Until it stopped working.

So, I called a local repair shop to see if I could get it repaired. The five minutes I spent on hold and the five minutes I spent talking to the repairwoman (I know, you thought I'd say repairman) were the best ten minutes of my life--as far as buying a steam cleaner is concerned.

Let me tell you what she told me:

1. Take the steam cleaner back to the place where you bought it and get your money back. Most places will take back a defective or broken product within a certain window of time. I had only had the steam cleaner for a few months and had used it maybe twice.

2. Never buy a Bissell. At least not a current model. They have this weird bladder system, they are constantly in for repairs, and end up collecting a lot of dirt, mildew and junk inside. Eww.

3. Spend at least $200. That will get you a high powered motor, a spinning brush, a hose, and a huge box for your kids to play in.

4. Hoover is a great brand. The repairwoman said that Hoover steam cleaners are built well, are easy to use, and easy to clean out. That's been our experience. We've used our Hoover steam cleaner on carpet, tile, slate, mattresses, upholstery, and even our two vehicles. (Let me tell you, ain't no better feeling in the world than a steam cleaned van after a two-day road trip with four kids.)

We followed her advice and are happy, happy, happy with our Hoover steam cleaner.

The End

All-Purpose Cleaner

Here is a recipe for and easy and effective all-purpose spray cleaner. It's the only cleaner I use. It's tough, effective and can whoop a counter clean faster than yo' mama.

I use this all-purpose cleaner on windows, counters, walls, doorknobs, and children. I also use it as an air fresh'ner.

All-Purpose Cleaner
1 squirt of liquid soap (I use Dr. Bronner's liquid castille soap)
15-20 drops essential oil
2 cups water

Give a little squirt of liquid soap into a squirt bottle--maybe a couple Tablespoons. Add 15-20 drops of your favorite essential oil. I use eucalyptus, camphor, orange or lavender. Then add enough water to fill to the top. Shake gently to blend.

I challenge you to clear out your under-the-kitchen-counter area today and replace all those nasty old bottles of chem-i-clean with this fabulous, fresh spray cleaner.