How to Remove Stains From Anything!

I don't believe in "treating" stains. Ever. No exceptions. I know, it's harsh.

"But Heather," you say, "All you have to do is use a dab of 'Granny's Magical Elixir' As Seen On TV, and it'll take out everything from grape juice to crayons!"

Ah-ha. I don't drink grape juice or eat crayons.

But even if I did, I'm not going to slave over a shirt to get out a stain. Here's why:

1. Clothes are cheap. If the stain doesn't come out it the wash, I'll just buy Child #2 another used polo shirt at the local Ye Olde Thrifty Shoppe. If it's stained beyond recognition, into the ye olde trashe it goes.

2. Most stains come out in the wash without Granny's Magical Elixir. It's true. Even if it doesn't come out in the first wash, it lightens with subsequent washes.

3. The shirt will get stained again. So don't even bother. And by the way, where do these children come from who have never soiled an article of clothing? I know they're out there because they donate all their old stain-free clothes to Ye Olde Thrifty Shoppe where I buy them for my kids. Thank you!

4. You have more important things to do. I watched my sweet Nana iron underwear because "the iron's still hot--might as well!" Look at your priorities and look at what you're doing. Are your actions consistent with your priorities? (Can you tell that I don't iron either?)

5. Stained clothing activates the "retract claws" feature on Supermoms. If a Supermom sees my kids wearing a shirt with a salsa splotch, she's much more likely to leave me alone rather that spark a lively (yawn) debate on which salon does the best job on toddler manicures.

In closing, I leave you with on old Irish blessing: May your shirt be clean enough to work in, but dirty enough to live in.

Amen.