My Totally Hot Freezer!

I have a freezer where I can find EVERYTHING and I love it!

How to Organize your Freezer in 10 Minutes or Less:

1. Buy cheap clear plastic containers. I use Rubbermaid Take Alongs. Buy the square and the deep square so they can stack on top of each other in the freezer. The lids are interchangeable.
2. Pull everything out of your freezer. This is the time to junk your frozen bag-o-lard fries and your nasty ol' tv dinners. Anything processed, shaped like a dinosaur or crusted over with stinky ice--toss it.
3. Put everything into those containers. Pour the bag of frozen blueberries into a container. Pour the frozen shrimp into a container. Fit the frozen bananas into a container. No need to label--the containers are clear. Stack your containers back into the freezer and admire the beauty.
   
4. Close your freezer door, but before you do, grab those frozen bananas, a tray of ice cubes and some pb from the cupboard. Make your smart self a Peanut Butter and Banana Smoothie.

Peanut Butter and Banana Smoothie
1 frozen banana
1 Tbs. peanut butter
1 cup milk
3 ice cubes
squirt of honey

Blend well!

Enjoy your new freezer!

Cleaning House

My family attends a church just a block away from our home. It's oh-so ultra modern with all the latest features a family from the 1950s could want. Including avocado appliances in the social hall kitchen.

That's why it's being remodeled this year.

Because of the remodeling, all the cupboards had to be emptied. And after fifty years, there was a lot of stuff that spilled out of those cupboards.

We had to make decisions like:

Should we keep this half used pack of paper plates?

What do we do with 100 copies of How Great Thou Art?

What are we supposed to do with two American flags with 48 stars?

Moving is a good thing. It's cleansing. It helps us make priorities, remove clutter, remember what we had in the first place.

If you haven't moved in a while, take some time this weekend and move (without the teary goodbyes and last minute panics). Go through drawers, closets and shelves and decide what you'd keep and what you'd toss. Then physically unload the stuff you wouldn't take with you if you had to move today.

Jackson Pollock Pizza Dough

My family eats pizza once a week. And believe me, I'm way too cheap (ahem, thrifty) to buy pizza from a boy who drives a rusted out '87 Subaru. (Although I applaud his mission to "live like no one else")

We just love, love, love eating pizza! And I love making pizza! I think of my pizza dough as a canvas on which, with Jackson Pollock as my internal chef, I paint with wild pesto, smatterings of feta, random tossings of broiled eggplant, and piles of untamed sausage. Sometimes my pizzas look dangerous.

But they're always delicious.

Over the years, I have perfected my pizza recipe by borrowing methods from friends, watching YouTube videos, staring at Jackson Pollock paintings. I've developed a pizza "way of life" that has made my family very, very happy.

Pay attention. I'm only posting this once.

Jackson Pollock Pizza Dough

1 1/2 cups warm water
1 tsp. dry active yeast
1 tsp. salt
4 cups flour (either white or wheat).

When it's mixed well in your KitchenAid, coat the dough mass with a slog of olive oil, cover with plastic wrap and put the bowl in the fridge. The next day or a few days later preheat your oven to 500 degrees. Menopausal women, just crack the fridge.

Next pour a few drizzles of olive oil onto a baking sheet; 3-4 Tbs and then a generous sprinkling of cornmeal. Take half of your dough and lay it in the puddle of oil and shape into a circle (most people don't like square pizza). Do your artsy-fartsy thing with your toppings and live out your dream of becoming a modern artist. Sauce, cheese, toppings. Bake for 15 minutes at 500.

Prep the next pizza. I've never had success with cooking two pizzas at once. They need all that heat to themselves. Bake the second pizza while you're eating your first.

Stay at Home, Moms!

If I had a job that paid real money and took me out of the home away from my children and husband, I would spend the money on stupid, stupid, stupid things. Here is what I would do with my mega-hoooge paycheck:

1. Put fancy streaks in my hair, dye it 3 shades lighter or darker and trim it every six weeks. I'd also get one of those angled bob haircuts that I could roundbrush and shellac. Bam! I gots to finish the look with pretty mani and pedis, 'cause I'm a workin' girl. I deserve it!

2. Buy darling dresses, trendy leggings and runway knock-off shoes for my daughter. Maybe even from a store like El Gap or Ye Olde Navy. And dress her in all the cutesy trimmings that I couldn't afford before I became a workin' girl. Thank goodness I have a dress-up daughter! (Or I'd have to buy a baby doggie!)

3. Go on get-away trips to my timeshare condo with my husband. And be gone prolly most weekends. Thanks grammie for watchin' the kids. Grammies are the best. (I only love her 'cause she watches the kids all the time. j/k, Grammie--you know I lurve you and not just 'cause you're a free babysitter!)

4. Eat out more so I'd get a nice squishy workin' mom rear end. I'd also buy way more stuff from the freezer section of Costco cause I sure won't have time or energy to make dinner ('cause I'm a workin' girl, remember?) ;) (That winkie is for Bev who does samples at Costco in the freezer section.)

5. Totally get into scrapbooking. Don't care how much it costs--all I care is that it's cute. And I'd totally make a girl-style man cave for all my scrappie-doodle-doo stuff. I don't even scrapbook, I just want all the stuff in cute little drawers with ribbon on spindles and paper in cubbies.

6. Buy every new Disney/Pixar movie and non-violent (but maybe a few violent ones if I forget my rule) video game for my kids.

7. Redecorate with a little stuff from cheap (but not too cheap) stores like Target, IKEA, Pier 1 and maybe an antique store that my hubby and I will stumble across on one of our timeshare getaways. (Found a super cute vintage tractor sign to hang in my boy's room--he LOVES tractors.)

8. Buy a new car that's a good deal. Cars that are cute are like an investment in who I am and what I want people to think about me. Like one of those teeny cars that gets super-cute gas mileage and has a horn that goes "Beep! Beep!" Light blue or red. Hmmmm, no way, light blue fer sher!! Car payments are going to be totally affordable, cause I'm a workin' girl! Woot woot! Beep! Beep! Wink!

And if anyone asked me why I don't stay at home I'd just do a little pouty face and say in my baby voice "I weally, weally wish I could, but unfortunately I just can't. We can't afford it."

***

Or how about this? Mothers who work, come home. Go back to your natural hair color, make a healthy dinner, be thrifty, let your man provide, and be happy with what you have.

I promise that you'll be glad you did.

P.S. Want to be a stay-at-home mom, but can't afford it? I can show you how. I've done it for ten years on one income (even through schooling), no selling plasma, make-up or scented candles. It requires planning and committment. I challenge any mother who is working outside the home (or thinking about it) to contact me. I will help you put together a plan that will save your marriage, save your family and save your sanity. It's time to come home.

God Bless America

I'm the mother of four young children. That makes my life exciting by default. You know, the surge of adrenaline that comes when at 2:47am a child mumbles "Mommy, I'm going to throw uuuuppp". Or the mad dash for a stack of napkins when orange juice is knocked over at breakfast. It certainly breaks up the routine! (...or is that the routine?)

This month had a different kind of exciting. I was able to be a county delegate at my county's nominating convention. There were charismatic political candidates, campaign signs, eager delegates, and lots of excitement. In fact, ninety percent of the nearly 1500 delegates attending the convention were first-timers.

The convention had a set agenda which included party business, speeches, voting, and waiting for the results. As we waited, the county party chairman stood up and announced that it would be ten more minutes until the results came in. Several people from the crowd stood up to the common microphone and offered a scuffle of suggestions on what to do while we were waiting. "Let's alter the agenda!" "Let's vote on the resolutions!" "Let's sit and wait!" But a single thought raced through my head and my heart pounded. I knew what we needed to do.

Suddenly, I stood up, and made my way to the common microphone. The words that came out of my mouth filled the expansive exposition center. "I know this may be unconventional, but how about a patriotic sing-along?" The crowd laughed their approval. "God bless America," I said firmly.

With absolutely no permission from Robert Rulsovorder (whoever he is) the chairman took the microphone and said, "We're going to sing patriotic songs. Please lead us." I made my way to the front of the delegates, political candidates, the governor, senators and congressmen. "God Bless America," the crowd instinctively rose to their feet and the fire of patriotism filled the room. "Land that I love..." And the moment thrilled.

We stood, not as 1500 delegates, but as one, as we then unified our voices in the National Anthem. We sang with with our hands on our hearts, and our hearts in our throats. Facing the flag, we were firm and unwavering in our love for America. We raised our voices to proclaim that America and all that she stands for is good, just and right.

We were changed that day. Unified in song. Unified in love for our country. Unified as true Americans. God bless America.

Free Lunch

I've been watching a hornet build a nest this week under our hose hanger in our front yard. I'm too scared to knock it down.

Maybe I could hire a hit man.

Enter freaky albino spider (and his hot girlfriend, who is already in his web--look closely). Just one misstep from the hornet and those two spiders are gonna have date night at El Hornet Ristorante every night this week.

The Last Person in America

I made a batch of Sponge Candy this afternoon for the very first time.

Actually that's a lie. I made it for the second time, because the first time I made it I didn't mix the baking soda in properly. There were pockets of undissolved baking soda throughout the batch.

From a quick survey of the internet, it appears that I am the very last person in America to try sponge candy. There are millions of websites and several Facebook groups devoted entirely to the love of sponge candy.

How did I miss this stuff?

It's easy as sin to make, and the results are a sugary, toffee, melt in your mouth crunchy treat. Before I made it, I thought that Sponge Candy got it's name from it's spongy texture. No. It actually looks like a sponge when you break it open. Plus you can dip it in chocolate. How cool is that, ladies?

Try it out:

Sponge Candy

1 cup sugar
1 cup dark corn syrup
1 Tbs. white vinegar
1 Tbs. baking soda

Directions:

Line a 9-by-13 baking pan with foil and spray with non-stick spray. In a large saucepan (at least 3 quarts) combine sugar, dark corn syrup and white vinegar. Cook, stirring constantly, until sugar is dissolved.

Insert candy thermometer and cook to 300 degrees (hard crack stage). Remove from heat, sprinkle with baking and stir very quickly, making sure it's evenly combined. The mixture will bubble and expand.

Pour into prepared pan. Do not spread, as mixture will spread itself. Cool.

When candy is thoroughly cooled,turn pan over and tap it to loosen candy. Break into pieces. Makes 16 pieces (but really more like 16 big pieces and 3278 broken chards).

Just Me and the Chicks

My parents never let me have a puppy. (Insert pout here.)

My parents did, however, let me keep a little goldfish that I won at the Flowertown Elementary carnival when I was six years old. I named the goldfish "Spunky."

Then our family went on vacation for a few days to Atlanta, Georgia. My parents accidentally forgot to make proper arrangements for a pet sitter to take care of Spunky, and when we arrived back home, Spunky was sideways.

So, forget the fish. Forget the puppy. I'm all grown up and I can have whatever pet I want. After all, I clothe, feed and care for four children. And everyone knows that kids are way-hey-hey harder to take care of than a goldfish.

I want a chicken. I want two or three or four. (Ok, Josh, just three!) I want to raise them from tiny chicks so I can hear them go "peep! peep! peep!" I want to be like Cinderella in that scene where she's singing and throwing chicken feed to the chickens and they all swarm around her like she's a rock star. I want to take a darling little wicker basket lined with a fat quarter of quilting fabric to collect eggs in the morning. I want my children to clean out the coop so they can grow up to be hard-working, chicken-fearing adults.

Current zoning ordinances in my city don't allow chickens to be within 50 feet of my house or a neighbor's house. (Sure, those big, mean black birds can poop all over my car and terrorize my children, but cute li'l chickies can't roam freely in my yard?)

Can we change the 50 foot rule? My city councilman said that there is someone "working on it." I'm trying to go through all the proper channels to change the zoning ordinance. It may even take up to a year.

In the mean time, I'm going to keep in touch with my councilman, write letters to the mayor and start sewing a darling little ruffled apron to wear when I feed the chickies.

Other Projects

After living one month well below the poverty line, I'm ready for a posting frenzy.

As many of you know, I spent the month of January 2009 living below the federal poverty line for a family of six. This was a fun experiment that proved that you can live below the poverty line without government or family assistance. We budgeted in everything from high-speed internet to fabulous dinners. It was a true test of my title, "Home Economist." Now that we're back to living on a normal income, it's time to get back to my glamorous life as a Modern American Housewife.

Here are my current projects:
1. Sewing handbags for friends and family gifts
2. Finding uses for okara (the leftover pulp from making soymilk)
3. Making soymilk
4. Finishing up our years supply of food (it can be done!)
5. Altering our chore routine (no dinner until chores are done)
6. Baking bread, granola, and culturing yogurt

This list explains why I have zero friends. Who wants to have a playdate with someone whose most pressing question is "What else can I mix okara into without my family knowing?" Besides, I stink at playdates.

I'll be posting a link to an interview I had recently on the Natural Moms Talk Radio. It's all about homemaking and being a homemaker. Stay tuned!

Way Off Target

Target made it to my list of "Top 2 Places to Never Buy Clothes From Again." Again, for those of you who haven't seen my list:

1. Walmart
2. Target

Here's my story:

I bought four pair of Target's nice $12, no-stain, extra sturdy khakis for my 6 year old. The pants were worn only a few times (since he mostly wore shorts this summer).

One little pair had a clasp fall off.
One little pair had a rip in the bum.
One little pair had holes in the knees.
One little pair had holes by the pockets.

Now, I know my son is active, but this hasn't happened to his other pants that he wears.

Tell me this, ladies: Does it make more sense to buy four pair of crappy Target pants, or two good pair of Land's End or Gap pants.

What are your thoughts on the quality of Target's clothing? Have you had good experiences or bad? Do you buy mostly for quality or price?

72 Hour Kits for Kids

Earthquake. Urban unrest. Flooding. Chemical leak. A big ol' bomb.

Who knows if any of those disasters will happen where you live. But if they do, you can go to one of those sites like www.end-of-days-emergency-kit-rip-off-supply.com and stock up on $89 waterproof 10,000 calorie energy bars. And be sure to buy a black flag so your neighbors won't loot your stuff.

After you've done that, it's time to get real. You'll probably be fine with a backpack full of pork 'n' beans, bottled water and a deck of playing cards (Hint: They can double as TP). Survival, my friends, is not pretty.

Mommy and Daddy have the official 72 hour pack. It's got food for the fam, water, matches and all the other things our family will need if we have to evacuate. But the kids each have their own 72 hour kit, so they can have a little more control in a situation where we may not know what's going to happen next. Good idea? It's my mom's.

Each kids' 72 hour pack contains:

1. Change of clothes. They're in a gallon ziplock bag. Be sure to update each year. Kids grow fast! We packed long sleeve shirts, pants, socks, undies, and six diapers (for age 5 and under).
   
2. Snacks. Mommy and Daddy have the real food, but the kids will have control over their snacks. We packed Powerbars, fruit snacks, beef jerky, and Emergen-Cs for them.
   
3. Water. With a sport cap, just in case the bottle tips over.
   
4. Emergency phone numbers. We put our home, cell, work, and both grandparents. If you have any relative living out of state, put their number on the list, too. Seal it in a ziplock bag or laminate it.
   
5. Family picture. If your children are separated from you, a family picture may help calm them or help authorities locate you if you're separated. Be sure to put your address and phone number on the back of the picture.
   
6. Book. My friend Michelle, who just survived the hurricane in Texas, said that it was very boring while the power was out. No email. No internet. No games. But lots of time to read.
   
7. Wind-up flashlight. Kids will love winding it, and it won't matter if they sleep with it on all night. They cost between $8-10.
   
8. Small toy. A soft doll, a toy car, colored pencils and notepad...anything imaginative.
   
9. Purell or baby wipes. Good for lots of things.
   
10. Money. Each pack has $5. I have no idea what they'll do with the money, but it's another layer of security.
    
11. Fleece blanket. Fleece blankets are the closest thing to a mother's love.
    
12. Mother's love. Write a little love note and seal it in an envelope. Cute!!
13. FM radio. These are at the dollar store all the time, in lots of cool colors, too. They even come with batteries.
    

These packs aren't meant to save your child's life--they're just meant to make a hard time a little bit easier.

You've heard the saying "If Mamma ain't happy..."? Let me put it in perspective, "If your power is out, the toilets won't flush, your neighborhood is forced to evacuate, it smells like a gas line broke, and your kids aren't happy..."

Ain't nobody gonna be happy.

Good luck with your preparedness!

Sunflower Farmer's Market

Tired of paying (insert insanely high prices here) for red peppers, avocados, celery, apples, onions, spinach, chicken, lamb, pork, etc?

Homemakers of the Rockies, rejoice! There's a new natural foods store on the scene called Sunflower Farmer's Market. And I love it.

Their motto is "Serious Food...Silly Prices." Por ejemplo:

1. Grapefruit 10/$1
2. Asparagus $.99/lb.
3. Avocados 3/$1
4. Gala apples $.39/lb
   
5. Red bell pepper 2/$1
6. Lamb $3.99/lb
7. Boneless skinless chicken $1.59/lb
   
8. And it goes on and on...

The unique thing about this grocery store is that they overlap ads. So last week's ad ends tomorrow, but the new ad starts today. I get to buy cheap asparagus and avocados. And I've never spent more than $50 for a week's worth of meat and produce. (That's even including a bottle of Odwalla for the ride home).

Sunflower Farmer's Market is a natural foods store, so you'll find tons of great deals on other natural products like organic dairy, bulk grains/nuts, and breads. The store has a relatively small footprint so I can get my shopping done way faster (and cheaper) than El Big Box Store.

Currently they have locations in Utah, Colorado, Arizona, Nevada, New Mexico and Texas. If you have one near you, go check it out.

If you'd like to have a location near you, give Sunflower Farmer's Market a call: (866) 890-8949

Door-to-Door Salesfolk (A True Story)

(Ding-dong)

Guy on Front Porch: Hi! I'm selling house alarm systems.
Me: Goodbye.

(Next day) (Ding-dong)

New Guy on Front Porch: Hi! I'm selling magic cleaner spray.
Me: Goodbye.

(Next day) (Ding-dong)

Kid on Front Porch: Hi! I'm selling overpriced wrapping paper so the PTA can continue to promote it's agenda all under the guise of "education for kids!"
Me: Goodbye.

(Next day) (Ding-dong)

Woman with son: (in broken English) You like buy tamale? Twelve for ten dollar? They hot. Six chicken. Six pork.
Me: Mmmmm....tamales. Let me grab some money.

(Later that evening)

Me: I love tamales.

Contents of Purse

The internet is a jolly good place to dump out the contents of one's purse.

My purse is usually a pretty tidy place. I like being able to find my lipstick in the same place where I left it. I like having only the essentials on hand. Simplicity is my motto.

Take a look-see:

1. Day-planner: It has my calendar, ward directory, postage stamps, cash and blank paper. It's also where I keep my favorite mechanical pencil and hide the only Sharpie in the house.
   
2. Keys: House key, car key, minivan key. All on a key ring with a Leatherwoman and my engagement ring. Nice fobs.
3. Cards: Debit card (I don't believe in credit cards), library card, Sam's Club card (just for the butter, chicken base, cheese and free samples on toothpicks), and Utah Driver's License.
4. Lotion: Aveda Hand Relief is what's on tap. It works and smells herbal and natural. It's wicked expensive unless you have a sister who works at an Aveda salon.
   
5. Gum: I used to always chew Extra Peppermint, but when they changed the color and flavor of the gum that I had chewed for twenty years, I decided it was time to switch to Trident. I only chew a half piece, which officially makes me the weirdest person on the planet. (Hi, friend!)
   
6. Lipstick/balm: I usually have both. MAC and Burt's Bees peppermint.
   
7. MP3 Player: It's a Sansa Fuze 8gb with heaps of old time radio podcasts. I heart Jack Benny, Gracie Allen, Green Hornet, and My Friend Irma.
   
8. Cellular Telephone: I use it to check what time it is, and to call my mom or husband while I'm on errands.
   
9. Digital Voice Recorder: I use it for recording compositions, funny things the kids say, and songs I am learning/performing.
10. Camera (not pictured): It's usually in my purse. I keep it there in case we're out and about and something beautiful happens.
    
11. What I Left Out: gum wrappers, extra diaper (if I'm lucky), wipes, loose change (for parking downtown), hair clip.
    

Quick and Dirty Bathroom Remodel

Here's a quick remodel job that you can do in an afternoon, ladies. It costs $12, plus a roll of masking tape, newspaper and an old sheet.

If your shower area is tile (and ugly tile at that) then follow these simple instructions to have a sparkling new shower area:

1. Scrub tile with steel wool and cleaner. I used a homemade cleaner of baking soda mixed with Dr. Bronner's peppermint castile soap. I scrubbed every square inch so that the paint would stick to the tile--not the soap scum.
   
2. Rinse off tile with water and dry with an old towel. Make sure area is completely dry.
   
3. Mask off EVERYTHING. (Sorry for yelling!) You'll be using spray paint, so when the paint sprays it will will get into the air and settle like dust--permanent dust! Listen to me! Wear a bandana! Cover the floor! Protect your sink and tub!
   
4. Spray with glossy enamel spray paint--any color--about 3 or 4 cans will do. For this part, you have to pick your own method. Do you want to spray broad strokes or small square-by-square sprays? I did a little of both and thought it was most effective to spray a square completely then move to the next square.
5. Take breaks. Running the fan, wearing a mask, opening the windows and holding yor breath while spraying also work well. Send your kids outside.
   
6. Let it dry/cure for a day or so.
   

If your shower area is nasty-'ol ugly, then you have nothing to lose. It may end up being the best $12 you ever spent on your bathroom.

Cooked Salad

I just invented something!

It's called Cooked Salad. I promise it's not wilted lettuce or boiled potatoes in mayonnaise. When I was trying to come up with a catchy name for my new invention, my husband offered "Stir Fry." It's so much more than stir fry. Just hear me out.

Cooked salad is:
Nutritionally dense
Visually stunning
Looks festive and delicious
Creates it's own dressing
Easy to make

Cooked Salad
1/2 lb broccoli (bagged, frozen is easy)
1/2 red bell pepper, diced
1 cup mushrooms, sliced
1/2 zucchini, sliced
soy sauce (maybe a couple Tbs.?)
sugar (about a Tbs.)
handful pecans
asiago cheese

Steam the broccoli and add to serving bowl. Then, saute the red bell pepper, mushrooms, and zucchini. Add the soy sauce and sugar to the sauteed veggies to create a "salad dressing." Layer the sauteed veggies on top of broccoli. Next, toast the pecans in the saute pan for a couple minutes. Layer the nuts on top of the sauteed veggies. Grate asiago on top and serve.

The important thing is to NOT disturb the layers. That way it looks more like a salad. Oh, and don't serve it with rice. It's not stir fry.

Too Poor for Butter, Too Smart for Margarine

Most of my blog stalkers, groupies and followers fall into the "Too Poor for Butter, Too Smart for Margarine" category. When they see butter on a 2/$5 sale, they buy as many as they think they'll need until the next sale comes around again. Their freezers make room, at the expense of ice cubes, boo-boo bunnies, and freezer-burnt frozen peas, for boxes and boxes of butter-on-sale.

These same people who savor the flavor of cubed and quartered cow's gold, also rightly turn up their noses at the Gold 'n' Soft, $.59/lb. fool's gold. Yes'm, margarine looks like the real thing, but it ain't no substitute fer real butter. I couldn't agree more.

I'm about to say something shocking.

Please don't click away.

You can make your own "margarine." Really, I mean, a "buttery, reduced-fat spread." (At this point I've already lost the respect of true disciples of butter...)

Chillax, and let's make homemade, healthy margarine! It's a great way to economize when butter's expensive. This Buttery, Reduced-Fat Spread spreads well, takes advantage of butter's super powers, and it's a wee bit healthier than straight butter.

Buttery, Reduced-Fat Spread (a.k.a. Margarine!)

1 cup butter/2 sticks (that's a good start...)
1/2 cup olive oil (not extra virgin, that's too strong!)
1/2 cup water
1/2 tsp. kosher salt (I just like being kosher sometimes)

Put the butter in a food processor. Process it until it's creamy and smooth. Then, with the processor on, drizzle the olive oil. Then drizzle the water. Then add the salt. Turn off the processor, scoop the buttery, reduced-fat spread into a bowl, and chillax. Oh, and stick this spread in the fridge, covered.

You can spread it on toast, waffles, and baby bottoms. (I've even used it as a wrinkle cream!)

(Just kidding!)

(Actually, I'm not!)

Proposition 8

If you live in California, are over 18, and want to do something that will protect the sanctity of marriage, please vote yes on Proposition 8.

Proposition 8 protects marriage between a man and a woman.

If you don't know what Prop 8 is, just wiki it. If you're wondering why this even matters then read the whole wiki article (all the way to the bottom), or go to the lds.org newsroom and watch the video on Prop 8.

Marriage is great. The girl/boy way of doing marriage is fantastic for so many reasons...too many to list.

Vote yes.

The Current Economic Crisis

A box of Nabisco Honey Maid honey graham crackers is an astonishing $4.29. And for Pete's sake it's not even a full pound!

The humble graham is a boon to teething infants, can easily be transformed into a sturdy base for pie crusts and has endured as a comfort food with a tall glass of 2%. Graham crackers, with their pious roots, were once a staple in every homemaker's pantry.

But paying $4.29 per box during this economic crisis is disturbing and irresponsible. When you have to choose between paying the mortgage and buying a 14.4 ounce box of graham crackers, well, the choice becomes pretty clear.

What's a home economist to do?

Below, I outline one simple way that you and your family can weather this economic crisis. Begin by preheating your oven to 350 degrees.

Graham Crackers

1/2 cup of all-purpose flour
1 3/4 cups whole wheat flour
1/2 cup sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. Kosher salt
1/4 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/2 cup butter
1 tsp vanilla
2 Tbs honey (or agave nectar)
2 Tbs molasses
1/4 cup water

Mix the dry ingredients in a food processor. Add the butter and process until it looks like cornmeal.

Add the honey, molasses, water, and vanilla. Mix until the dough becomes a big lump.

Place a layer of parchment on a large cookie sheet. Place the dough on the parchment paper. Place another piece of parchment paper on top of the dough and roll out to 1/8 inch thick. Remove the top layer of parchment paper.

Poke the top of the dough with a fork about a zillion times. Cut crackers with a bench scraper or pizza cutter.

Bake for 15 minutes, or until browned on the edges. Remove from oven and let it cool.

Now, enjoy your homemade grahams with a tall, cold glass of fresh squeezed cow.

Carrot Juice

I know you're busy, so I'll make this amazingly simple.

Carrots are nutritional powerhouses. You should eat them often. If you're tired of eating them, you should drink them. Here's how.

Carrot Juice (sans the gag reflex)
2 carrots
4 cups water (fill the blender halfway)
a few scoops of orange juice concentrate
one lime, zested and juiced

Put the carrots, water, orange juice concentrate, and lime zest with lime juice into the blender. Don't worry if you have a cheap piece-of-junk blender. It doesn't matter.

Next, blend it all up. Push all the buttons. Next, pour the carrot sludge into a fine mesh strainer that is over a medium bowl. Stir the sludge with a spoon until 90% of the liquid is all squeezed out (takes about 3 minutes).

Now, you can either chill the juice or pour it into a cup with ice cubes.

It's refreshing, virtuous, and way-hey-hey cheaper than a bottle of Odwalla ($3.69).

Here's the cool part. What you have left is also usable. It's carrot meat. Use it like you would pumpkin puree. After I made the carrot juice, I had about a 1/2 cup of carrot meat. I whipped up a batch of carrot muffins with rye flour and walnuts. Honestly, I just used a banana nut muffin recipe and substituted carrot meat for the 'nanas.

Let me know how it turns out!